A Lost Love
by burried.love.tainted.soul
Summary: You can't have life without death and you can't have death without life, but love? what can't i have?...Alice. quote jasper Hale . Please read i promise you won't be disapointed. All vampire. After breaking dawn.
1. The beginning, well the end

**_-A lost love-_**

**PLEASE READ!!!**

This story may be confusing at first but it will all be explained by the end, and all will make sense I promise. This story is going from Jasper's POV, Edward's and then Alice's (before death). Hope you enjoy it. ~.~

Jasper's POV

Loss, pain, regret, sympathy; they were the feelings surrounding me, flooding me, dragging me deeper into what seemed like a bottomless pit of unforgiving despair. My empty soul echoed the sounds of my sobs, my black-ringed eyes unable to form the tears. Growing up I was told never to show emotion: to be strong and deal with it. But I couldn't. How could anyone possibly expect me to deal with this? It was hard enough having everyone feeling so pathetically sorry for me while feeling their pain over the death of...I couldn't even speak her name without it filling me with lonely heartache. The feelings for the girl I had given my undying love for and cared about with every being of my body, the girl I swore to protect, the girl who every day reminded me how lucky I really was, the girl who was always smiling always there to help me when I was weak...I've always been weak. Alice was the one who changed everything I knew, by walking into my life all those years ago. The emotions that were radiating off her were like nothing I'd ever felt before, so strong and passionate, so..._alive_. I could feel my body tensing and the hands I held behind my back clenched into marble-hard fists at the thought, bracing the pain as my heart shattered once more as the corpse of my dead wife lay unmoving in a closed coffin, while a Minister read over it. As we all listened quietly I thought of how she now faced an eternal death that she didn't deserve. I couldn't understand why, why her and not me. I swore to her that nothing would ever hurt her. An "over-protective fool" she used to call me. My lips pulled down in a sad smile. I remember the last time I spoke to her; we were fighting. I let myself replay the painful scene leading up to her death.

_"Jasper, please! This isn't your fault!" Alice had screamed, walking slowly towards me. "Get away from me! No, you're right. This wasn't my fault; it's yours!" I growled at her, I hated fighting with her, we barely ever did it and her animated anger wasn't helping. "MY FAULT?! How is it my fault? You were the one who almost took a chomp out of Nessie!" she growled back at me. I just glared at her. She softened a little, knowing how painful it was for me to not be able to hold my lust for her blood. "Jasper, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry." "Stop apologizing! I am the one who almost killed Renesme and I'm sorry for ruining your relationship with Bella, I'm sorry I mess up your whole damn life! But you were the one who left her with me while you were supposed to be babysitting and instead you went SHOPPING! I couldn't help it if she bled and I hadn't eaten in weeks because, again, you were too busy making plans!" I screamed at her shaking with anger and disgust. "I-"Alice began to say before I interrupted her. "Save it." I said coldly, glaring down into her sad, soft face; melting me. I hate it when she pulls that face; it always has me slipping through the cracks. It made even angrier. "Don't look at me like that! I should have never taken your hand the first time we met; I should have never gone with you. I wasted half my life trying to make you happy, back then it was the only hope I had. But things like this make me think. Why do I even bother? Why Alice? Tell me; WHY?!" I growled the last word. I couldn't control the rage building inside me any longer. "Jasper, what are you trying to say?" she whispered, sounding like someone had just punched her in the gut. I frowned down at her my jaw locked and body all tensed up… and she just looked back at me desperate and heartbroken. "I'm-I'm just going to- going to go… hunt." Alice stuttered taking one last look at me before sprinting gracefully out of sight; but not out of mind. I turned to the window, smashing my rock-hard fist though the fragile glass. It shattered and fell to the ground like glittering crystals. As it hit the ground it spread, tiny pieces of glass flying in every direction. What have I done? I asked myself. I fell to my knees and tried to make an excuse for my words, my actions; but there were none. There was no excuse for what I had just said to Alice._

I snapped back into reality; I'd seen enough. I scanned around the open clearing to see the faces of our family and friends. They all looked the same; Esme had a look on her face that I had only ever seen once before, when Edward left Bella. Carlisle was obviously trying to stay strong but there were worry lines spreading across his stone-like face. I suppose he was still trying to figure out how my dead wife became...well, exactly that; my _dead_ wife. Emmett appeared to be trying to handle it, but was quite clearing broken inside. I could tell he was giving off a tough look for Rosalie but it was slipping fast. I could hear Rosalie quietly murmuring to herself "This is not happening. I am not going to cry." Over and over again to herself, her arms folded across a chest long ago emptied of a soul. You could tell that she had already snapped; she was selfless and thoughtful for once in her life. She finally thought of someone other than herself. I glanced tentatively over at Edward. Everyone could tell he wasn't going to be open about this one. He looked so shattered and confused, lost and helpless. I could feel the emotion flooding off him. This must be hard for him; he and Alice were so close. They really looked out for each other. I guess he sort of felt the same way I did; trying to understand why Alice, of all people, and why we weren't there to save her. Thinking those swift words brought back a haunted memory; the pain of this memory was somewhat soothing compared to the scar our last fight had left. A veil of depression slipped over me whenever these memories were re-lived.

_"Alice?" Edward eased himself to a halt about 5 feet in front of me. When I heard that name slip almost silently out of his lips I rushed to his side and followed his line of sight. "Alice!" I yelled. Not believing my eyes, I ran to my wife who was lying as still as stone on the forest floor; eyes closed and not the slightest hint of an emotion floating from her, chest still. The last part didn't faze me; we didn't need to breathe… but what was she doing on the wet ground? I fell to my knees beside her, scooping her limp body into my arms and dragging her onto my lap. I brushed her feather soft hair from her sweet, pixy face. "Alice," I said, more calm this time. I wiped the dirt from her cheek and tried to wake her. "Alice? Come on darlin', wake up." I whispered soothingly to her. Maybe she was frightened of something and didn't want to open her eyes until she knew she was safe… she did that a lot. I heard Edwards's footsteps coming towards us and then pace backwards almost as fast. I turned to him, confused. "Edward? What's wrong?" I was worried more about Alice's condition rather than any danger that could be around us. It was then that I noticed the crease forming between his eyebrows as he stared empty faced down at Alice. "Jasper...I can't hear her thoughts." He whispered. His words struck me like lightning. "What do you mean you can't hear her thoughts?" I said as panic rose within me. My mind raced as it tried to find an explanation but come up blank. I drew the worst conclusion. "No, no, NO!" I was short of breath but my words soon turned into a growl. I jumped up from the ground with Alice's limp body held tight in my arms. "We have to get her to Carlisle NOW!" I commanded urgently to Edward. My face was blank with shock, smothering the fear and sadness I felt inside. Edward started running and I followed. I looked down at Alice, her face peaceful, her body as empty as though there were no longer bones, or a full heart, inside her. "You're not dying on me Alice" I whispered to her hoping she could somehow hear me and find the strength to live. I looked away from her and stared at the forest ahead. I normally can't keep my eyes off of Alice. But I couldn't look at her, not this time. I could feel myself slipping and I had to be strong, for Alice, for everyone._

_"OH, MY GOD! Alice?" Esme screeched. She strode up to me cupping her hands over her mouth, horrified. I guess she drew the same conclusion as I did. "What happened!" she yelled at Edward, shocked. I too gone to answer her question nor did I want to. I was up the stairs and running to Carlisle's office before she even asked. I kicked the door down impenitent and I have to admit I was scared. Carlisle was right behind the door, I guess he heard Esme and was coming to see what had happened to his daughter. "Jasper? What's going on?" Carlisle said peering cautiously at my face, I glanced at Alice for a split moment and then flicked my gaze to him pleadingly. Carlisle leaned down to see Alice's normally happy face, but instead he saw what I saw; a limp body, an expressionless face, and a burnt out flame. "What happen?!" he questioned giving me the same look Edward did in the forest. He walked closer to me and took her in his arms; though I was tensed up I relaxed and let him take her from me. "Is she-is she...dead?" I barely got out the sentence. Was my worst conclusion actually the right one? Is this what I would have to face, was this the reality? "No, no, no. Of course not, Jasper; that's impossible." Edward answered my question unconvincingly, as we watched Carlisle walk to his desk, clear it and lie Alice gently down upon it. I could tell that he was trying to convince himself that she wasn't dead, not me. I walked over to the back corner of the room, finding comfort from leaning on the solid wall. Emotionlessly, I listened as everyone raced up the stairs at the same time, flooded through the doorway and all spaced out around the desk. Esme gasped still unbelieving that was her daughter lying motionless on the desk. _

_"Oh my God!" Rose whispered and just like the other two, she wore the same horrified expression as realization of what clearly happened hit her full-force. "Holy shit," Emmett whispered, tightening his grip on Rose's hand, obviously just as shocked as we were. He didn't give me the look that would have sent me walking from the room if I saw it again. I was thankful for that. I guess he was trying to be strong like me, probably for Rose though. Rosalie hates hearing, seeing or even knowing of the death of another person. It's as though she feels responsible…_

_I watched as Carlisle made an examination on her, checking her eyes and asking Edward if he could hear her thoughts or if I could sense any emotion...I couldn't. I couldn't even watch. If he was going to start doing an autopsy on my wife, I'd rather pass. I shut my eyes and let myself drift in thought... _

_"Jasper?" Carlisle's clear voice echoed through my ears. I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me. We stood in his office. The room was empty, everyone had left. I drifted my gaze back to him and waited for him to continue. "I'm sorry Jasper…but I'm afraid Alice has left us." He said pityingly, staring at me; waiting for my reaction. I felt my body tense before he even finished his sentence. I had known deep within me what he was going to say. My heart was no long there, I was fading, slipping slowly and losing my grip on my emotions; losing a grip on Alice. I could feel Carlisle shifting slightly into a fighting stance as he saw my hurt expression. He probably thought I would kill him, and I will admit the thought had crossed my mind when he told me. I ran swiftly and as fast I could out the door, down the stairs and into the welcoming forest. Without even a backwards glance; just like last time. I knew this meant another new life. I had left Maria and started a new life with Alice, now I was back to the start again. Alone._

Sadly and slowly, I let the memory fade and allowed my mind to take me back to reality. My vision was blurred at first but then it became clear. This is real. This was really happening to me. This wasn't just some crazy nightmare that I would wake up from to find Alice leaning over me, worrying for me, caring about me and loving me…because she isn't here; and she isn't coming back. Not ever. That was the reality; my new life was based on starting fresh alone. Maybe this was some sick joke hell was playing on me because I have been happy for far too long, maybe they want me to be miserable. It sure seems like it. I mean, first I was brought up to fight, and to fight not for glory, but for the kill. Then I found happiness. Alice taught me to be calm, to be thoughtful, but most of all she taught me to love. I stared once again at the sealed casket that held my Alice captive. It gave her no way of escaping and definitely no way of returning. At that moment I felt Edwards's worried and empathetic mind upon me, digging down deep into my soul, reading my every thought. _GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!_ I yelled at him in my mind, poison lacing my harsh words. I was already drowning in my anguish. He made a small gesture that he was going to stay out of my head by raising a hand as if to say "ok, ok, sorry." He turned his gaze upon Bella. I slowly started to walk towards to casket. I was standing close to the back and as I walked through the rows of people their emotions flooded me, and each person I passed was like a punch in the gut from both sides. Their bodies were standing so close to each other that it was almost claustrophobic. As I broke through the last row of standing, torturing statues; I filled the space between me and my wife. Everyone was silent, wondering what I was doing. I stopped dead in front of the coffin. "I love Alice and… I'm sorry." I whispered as I placed a red rose on top of the glistening, wooden casket. That's when their emotions had the full impact on me. I guess even if you whisper you can still be heard in a small area full of vampires. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran; and I kept running until I was as far away from them as possible.

I didn't know where I was heading, until I came reached the edge of the forest where the grass meets the road. It came to my awareness that it was pouring rain and everyone was staring at me; curious as to why a teenage boy had just run from the shelter of a forest, and was drenched. I kept walking and opened the door to the first place I saw, seeking refuge from the rains mercilessness. Then I realized where I was. How ironic that I happen to walk into the exact same bar I had been in when I first met Alice. I sat down at the same seat she'd sat, waiting for me, all those years ago.

"You look pretty shaken, is there anything I can get for you?" A young lady of about twenty, asked me in a voice as smooth as velvet. As she came towards me I smelt the strong scent of blooming jasmine, and the soft scent of musk. It neither attracted, nor repelled me. It was a strange scent that was hidden beneath all that musk and jasmine. It was the scent of a newborn vampire. That smell, was what made her more noticeable to me in this crowded bar, then say, the fat man in the corner who looked like he'd recently been in a drunken fight and reeked of alcohol mixed with tainted blood. I looked up from the bar counter and stared at her, wanting to see if her face would be as sweet as her scent. Yes, indeed it was. Every vampire was breathtakingly beautiful. "Jasper?" she spoke my name as soon as her golden-eyed gaze matched my reddened one. She was a mere five steps from me. She was smiling happily, acting as though we were the oldest of friends. Did I know this young lady from my distant, and painful, past? Was she one of the few surviving newborns Maria had created? I did recognize her voice and her face, but the hair and body did not match my memory. I vaguely remember the voice. The face was soft, featuring a delicate nose, and full lips the colour of blood. The contrast between the ruby lips and pale face was shocking. I shook the thoughts from my mind. Perhaps it was better if I didn't find out who this strange woman was, or how I knew her; I was afraid it might bring back a horrible and unfathomable pain that I would much rather forget.

My gaze dropped back to the bar counter. My body was weak and my mind felt run-down, as though I was too old, and could no longer go on; the effects of a broken man. "Can I have a shot of jack? Actually, you know what? You can just give me the whole bottle." I said weakly. I was tired and upset and I knew that my eyes were as red as her lipstick, and that the purple bruises that followed those eyes would make me look like the undead monster I am. I haven't eaten in months; I was too busy. Alice went shopping, and then we fought over Renesme, and then came her death and funnel. By the end of the last two events, I had been absorbed into a phase where drinking was optional, and not a need. I glanced up at her again, for she hadn't moved an inch since I'd spoken. Her face tilted slightly to the side and frown creased her brow. "Jasper, do you know what this will do to you?" she said, concerned about my welfare. "Yes, I do, and I also know that no matter how much Jack I drink, it will not take away the pain I come here bearing. However, it will ease my mind out of its current state." I informed her, my eyes dark and tainted. My voice weakened but venomous. If this girl knew me, she would know not to stand in my way. "Please, Jasper, don't bother." She begged me, pity lacing her voice. I knew I would suffer for drinking human beverages later, but I didn't care. My head fell to the counter once more in defeat. I didn't really care if she got my drink or not; I just wanted out. Out of here, and out of this life. She placed a cool hand on one of my arms. Her touch threw me into a vivid flash back. Of Peter, one of the newborns I'd saved from the clutches of my companion's greedy hands. Peter was one of the best we'd acquired…but he wanted out of her war and bloodshed; just as much as I did. So I let him go, and told him to run and never come back. The stupid boy he was, he came back… for me. He told me of this new life that was free of war and pain, so I followed him. I fled from Maria without even so much as a backward glance. On our way he spoke of a woman who he had met on his journey to a new life. Her name was Charlotte. _Charlotte? _Is this the girl of who Peter spoke? It would explain how she came to know my name and appearance. "Charlotte?" I asked aloud. She smiled down at me as she placed the bottle of Jack on the counter before me with a clang of glass. "Drink up." She commanded, baring glistening white teeth as her smile widened. She laughed. For the first time in over a month, I smiled. She shook her head and sighed as she moved away from me to serve another customer.


	2. Dark memories

Thanks so much you guys for the reviews. please make sure to review more, coz the more you do the faster i upload lol if i know not many people like it i will drag it out but if its a demands fan base here i will get it up asap =D

code: _italics_ (flashbacks) (Renesme's memories ) **bold **(people's thoughts)

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Edward's POV

**Jasper must be in such pain. I mean, I don't know what it must be like to feel everyone's emotions at your own wife's funeral, but I DO know it must be tough. You could tell that she completed him. Alice was always so happy and so independent. Yet, she felt she needed someone like Jasper, to protect her, and keep her safe. Alice and Jasper had the strongest bond, more so then any of us, (giving exception to myself and Bella). Their love was so deep and so passionate. They had shown no physical love for each other. I wished that Rosalie and Emmett would be so kind to hide theirs. Please, let him be okay, and please, bring Jasper back to us.**

As I read Esme's thoughts sorrow ran through to my core. I looked towards her. She was standing patiently at the glass wall waiting for any sign that her son may come home.

I turned away from her and back towards the TV. A soft and gentle touch caught me by surprise as it lightly cupped my cheek. By the size of her hand, I knew it was my beloved daughter. She was about to show me something. I sat, staring ahead patiently, waiting for the picture to play in front of my eyes. It started, and with a sigh, I relaxed.

_Alice was dressing Renesme up in the new clothes she had bought for her on her latest trip to Paris. Rosalie played with Nessie's curls while Alice took a picture of each and every outfit that matched each hairstyle Rosalie came up with. The front door opened, and the room of vampires (and half-vampire) heard it. Rose was the first to move, she bolted from Nessie's bedroom and out of sight. Renesmee, still standing, looked up at Alice just as she too, gracefully ran from the room. Alice stopped at the top of the stairwell, still in sight. Nessie smelt the air and smiled knowingly; Jasper, Emmett and I were back from hunting. Nessie sighed and ran swiftly from her room to stand next to Alice. Renesmee stared down at Rose, who was locked in Emmett's embrace as they greeted each other passionately. I was nowhere in sight; already gone to greet Bella. Nessie looked up at Alice. Why was she still standing here, why hadn't she greeted Jasper the same way Rosalie greeted Emmett? Were they fighting? Nessie saw the smile on Alice's face; they couldn't be fighting, could they? If so why the happy look? She drew her confused gaze to Jasper. He stood there, at the door, un-moving, lost in Alice's eyes. He too, had a smile upon his lips. Then I understood. They were looking into each other's souls, knowing that they were both safe and at ease. Love filled the room and it wasn't coming from Rosalie or Emmett. It seemed to be pouring out from Alice and if I was standing so close to Jasper, I bet I would have felt that same passion; that deep, intimate love that they shared. They didn't need to prove to each other that they were in love. The physical stuff seemed to be underrated, childish and below their standards. No, their relationship had gone beyond anything any physical contact could ever give them._

The picture ended and I turned my head around to face my daughter. She still seemed to dazzle me. Bella said I used to do that to her all the time, and still do, apparently, even though she is infinitely more beautiful. Nessie reminded me so much of her mother. Nessie was about sixteen now in looks. She was very wise for her age. Although it has only been six years since her birth (if that's what you would call it) yet, she was ten years ahead of herself in looks and about twenty in knowledge. Seconds of silence passed us before she spoke.

"I want to love Jake like that, like Alice loved Jasper. I mean, it's so deep and romantic, so passionate." She said with ease, like I was Rose or Esme. She had sprung this on me without warning. I don't want to talk to my supposedly six year old daughter about _this! _So I said what any responsible father should say.

"Isn't this something you should be talking about with your mother?" She knew that if that dog Jacob so much as even _thought_ about her, I would rip his head off. She sighed; it was ragged and quick and sounded like a sob. Her forehead was creased to the centre and her eyes were filled with tears. I was worried about her so I did something I normally blocked. I read deep into her thoughts. **Be strong, you have to be strong, you can't break down like some child! You are nota child Nessie, grow up! She is gone and it's your fault, now, don't cry and deal with it. Jeez, you are such a screw up! She screamed to herself. Her fault? I thought. Why was she blaming herself?**

"Mum's still a bit touchy about the whole Alice thing. I-I was just up there and she needs you; badly. I can see that. So I came to tell you, but you were off in your own world…" She stuttered nervously. She wanted me to go and make sure her mother hadn't gone crazy like Carlisle has been lately; not showing up to work, not hunting, in his office all day and night searching for answers. It has been three years since the death of my most beloved sister. Everyone was shattered and we all took it hard, it took about two of those three years for us to even speak her name or hear it be spoken. It was like a stab to though the heart every single time. We were older then Bella and knew we had to cope and be strong. Bella was just becoming a full golden-eyed vampire when Alice died. She hasn't lost anyone before except me, and I swear if I didn't know better, that this has hit her harder than when I walked from her life, Alice's death has been worse for her then me simply leaving. She still flinches at Alice's name like she was just punched in the gut. I guess that's why Jasper ran off; to get away so he didn't have to hear her name spoken and the pain it brought everyone when spoken aloud. Nessie has even the strongest of us hear her thoughts from today have me thinking otherwise. At that moment I heard the smash of glass. Esme jumped and spun around. _Oh God Carlisle! _She thought but it wasn't coming from his office. I was positive it was coming from the other end of the hall. I turned to see Nessie crouched down, ready if there was any sign that we were going to be attacked. I breathed in, searching for an unfamiliar scent and held my breath at the same instant, I familiar one hit my nose and had me so shocked I was speechless. It was Jasper; he had come home at last. Nessie loosened her position obviously smelling the same scent I had, she turned to me and out of the corner of my eye I could see a frown began to form upon her face. I heard as Esme gasped and turn to me for answers. Eyes wide, she mouthed his name. I nodded slowly and started to walk forward slowly and calmly. From the sound of the destruction upstairs he wasn't in a good mood and we have never heard him be so violent; we didn't know how to react or how to deal with it. I made it to the stairs and Renesmee picked up her pace and gracefully stood by my side waiting for my next move. She frowned, looked at me again and sighed. She then stepped in front of me and began to ascend up the staircase, I went to grab her arm but she was faster than I thought, she made it to the top of the stairs and I was close behind her. Renesme made her way down the hall and stopped at Jasper's door.

"Jasper." She said, trying to appear calm, leaning against the doorframe. There was no response. She looked around inside the room and stepped in, disappearing from my line of sight; this scared me. I picked up my pace and was in the same place she stood seconds before. I followed in her path weaving and winding though the bedroom; I could hear Nessie's voice in the distance, but couldn't quite place where about in the room she was. The sound of her voice seemed to bounce off walls and echo from every corner in the room. I thought for a minute, stopped thinking about where Nessie might hide, but where Jasper would be. I was certain if I found him I would also find my daughter. Then it came to me. Where would Jasper be? Well that was easy, for if you saw Alice, Jasper was always close by... andvisa versa. Then it hit me. With Alice gone Jasper would be where Alice was, well where Alice would be, where every inch of the confined space screamed her name, where you would find layers upon layers of fabrics, where her scent would fill the air and send your hand running though your hair, for Alice spent most of her money on this very place; filling it with all her latest desires.

I walked forward and turned a few corners, arriving in the main part of the bedroom once again. I walked to the far corner and surely enough Nessie's voice grew louder as I drew closer to her. I turned a corner at the far end of the room, winded around another sharp corner and there they were; Jasper sitting with his back against the wall of their long narrow wardrobe. The wardrobe was dim; the only light was that radiating off the small window at the far end, where a light was. Jasper was leaning on probably the only part of the entire closet not filled with Alice's clothes. Knees to his chest and his head in his hands, he said nothing as Nessie knelt in front of him, one hand placed softly on his right shoulder as she spoke to him. Saying things like how like he wasn't crazy that it's ok to act like this that the loss has hurt him more than anyone, that it is going to be ok, that every is going to get though this, together, as a family. I knew he could hear her but a part of me knew he wasn't listening to a word she was saying.

I must have been standing there for more than a minute before Nessie acknowledged the fact that I was actually there. She looked up at me pity, regret, guilt, and just plain heart ache in her eyes. Just seeing the feelings radiating off her face was enough for me. I never wanted my girl to ever be unhappy, but it must be worse for Jasper that she was there. Renesmee might think she is helping him but could she be making Him worse? I motioned for her to go, she nodded and stood up. She paused at my side, looked up at me one more time and motioned for me to talk to him, she still stood there, and I guess she was waiting for an answer. I nodded and made my way to his side as I herd Nessie walking from the room.

"Jasper," I said softly trying to be more empathetic then sympathetic. I took a few steps closer to him, crouching down so I was at his level. He glanced up at me for mere second and then looked down again. Only to stand up seconds later.

"Jasper?" I asked again.

"Don't." was all he said as he brushed passed me, out of my arms and out of the room. I sighed and followed, he was known where in sight. I could tell he missed being here, missed having a home, a family for the first time in his life. I sighed, descending the stairs slowly. As I reached the edge Esme wandered slightly from the kitchen to my side, and Nessie just turned from her position on the couch to face me. She held my gaze until I heard Esme's voice next to me.

"Don't worry, Edward, at least he came back. That's a start. Right?" she said, trying to reassure me. I bet Nessie has already told her about what was said and to go easy on me, but I wasn't the one who had recently lost the love of their life. One thought kept nagging at the back of my head though, its voice speaking thoughts I didn't want to consider; _if Alice was the only thing keeping Jasper from going to the Volturi, might he actually go to them now that she was out of the picture?_ He would stay for us; or at least I thought he would. _What if you bring back painful memories? _The voice insisted. I couldn't deal with thinking about it again, because if I cracked everyone would. I took my gaze off Esme and glanced at Nessie.

"Where's your mother?" I asked softly, feeling a little anxious.

"La push." The words came out in the monotone she used whenever she tried to hide her emotions from me. Sometimes it worked. Not this time. Suspicion filled me immediately and I took off; fast.

The trees were flying past at a blurring speed, the scents of the forest around me, the smell of elk in the distance hyped my senses but I ignored it. The ashy fumes of a smouldering campfire from a forks party the previous night tingled my enhanced senses; the strong stench of alcohol filled the air. I could feel it, like a sixth sense inside of me that the borderline was getting close; too close. Slowing my pace, I raised my head as a predator would do and surveyed the area around me, trying to figure out where I was. The forest was coming to an end. I was sure the clearing was just up ahead, but why would people camp so close to here, even for a party? But either way I was right. The forest opened up into the clearing and I jogged along the edge, searching for the river that ran from the back of Jacob's house. They were probably already aware of my presence; I could already hear the rushing water and the thudding paws of wolves patrolling the forest. I stepped closer to the edge, knowing Bella would come out to see me at any moment. Is she perhaps testing me? Seeing if I would cross the line?

"Hey, Handsome," I whipped my head around to meet her smirking face. I chuckled nervously, and it came out almost like a high-pitched whine. "What?" she asked curiously. I couldn't help but think of how she was such an insecure vampire. What a rarity.

"Nothing." She took a few steps closer, eying me suspiciously. I looked back at her, feigning innocence. "Are you coming?" I ask her, hoping it will create a distraction from my odd behaviour.

"Are _you _coming?" she says very pleased with herself. Her smugness about surprising me pricked a few nerves, but I brushed it off with a laugh. Though I believe people like us are no longer alive she still thinks so and is sure she will never get bored with the forever that is in front of us. I'll give her a few decades, I decided. We speed home, and I catch up to her just as she thinks she can still beat me.

"You should just give up, you know." I say, throwing a glance at her over my shoulder. She's running beside me, trying to push her limits to beat me home. She will have to try a lot harder seeing as how I'm barely scratching the surface of my abilities.

"No one likes a show off, Edward." The soft, high-pitched voice floated to me from my other side. Wait. What? This is not a voice I should be hearing at all; Alice. I halt, sending leaves and dirt spraying everywhere around me. Bella kept going, not realizing I had stopped. She jogged back to me.

"Edward?"She says coming to my side. "Edward! What happened? Are you ok?" I felt her shudder; she tends to do that when she's worried. What _did_ just happen? I could swear I heard her voice, like she was running beside me. But it sounded like her thoughts; though that is too is impossible.

"I'm fine," I walk on ahead and she walks beside me not taking her eyes off me, mimicking my pace, worried. "Come on."


	3. Never really believed in God

Jasper's POV

"What do you think?" Charlotte questioned me, bouncing excitedly out of the change rooms with a huge smile on her face. I could see Peter across the road at the car dealers, searching for the latest sports car. So I stayed with Charlotte; wrong choice. Are all girls the same when they shop or is it just charlotte and Alice? The way they shopped, the spinning around in pretty dresses and looking around for hours with a look on their face like a kid let loose in a candy store.

"It's beautiful." I said trying not to let her see how much it killed me to be here, shopping. I didn't want to take her fun away by my own selfish pity. She smiled at me as she disappeared into the change rooms once more. I sat back down on the sofa behind me. I gazed around the shop, but something caught my eye and it wasn't some pretty dress inside store it was the figure of a small, pale, beautiful woman standing on the other side of the road, standing so still, staring at me with a monotone expression. She was wearing a yellow dress that fitted tight around her chest and torso, at the waist it fell, the layers of soft loose fabric rippled in the wind, her short, black hair blowing gracefully but fiercely across her face. It was Alice. My heart would have stopped if I had one. It was Alice I was sure of it, though I have never seen someone so pale, even for a vampire; this scared me. For Alice was the most human of us all, she didn't suit such a bubbly, happy dress. She looked dead. That didn't matter for I couldn't take my eyes off her; she still was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, ever loved. If I was capable of moving I would have ran to her, and I didn't care if any human saw me, I would run to her just to have one more moment with her before my eternity began without her.

"Jasper?" I whipped my head around at the sound of my name. Charlotte was standing there, head tilted slightly to the side, looking worried. "Are you ok?" Her frown deepened; if it was possible of us to get wrinkles she would have created an indented scar with that expression.

"I'm fine." I said, getting up from the couch and following behind her as she walked over to the counter with a pile of clothes. As she was talking to the lady at the checkout I dared to take a glace back outside, my eyes searched the street, through the glass windows of stores; but I saw nothing. She was gone; my Alice was gone...again. That struck me more than before I thought I was going crazy the first time I saw her; but now I guess this confirms it: I am psycho.


End file.
